Sunday, 31 March 2013

Why I wear make up

Spoonie: Why do i wear make up?

Surely if you feel so ill, you wouldn't bother with make up?

I guess thats what I'd think too if I wasn't sick but I am.

Being ill every second of every day is not like having a virus or flu that lasts for a few days. I understand thst if you are temporarily sick, you don't want to wear make up but if being sick is your day to day life, you have to try and get on with things and not let your illness get in the way of everything! If I had a bug or virus, I wouldn't be expected to work but having a chronic illness, I am.

ME and fibro is not going to go away. It could be with me forever, or for a good few years at least, so why shouldn't I make myself look respectful, 20 days a year?

I don't want to look back at photographs of myself on my birthday or at Christmas and think how ill I looked. I want to remember how hard it was to get to that point and how I survived, how I had a good time and how this illness did NOT win. It didn't stop me from going out or from celebrating. It's depressing to look rubbish all the time. I dont look like I used to. Some people might not realise this but I've put on weight, I don't wear the same sort of clothes and I don't wear make up everyday. I don't style my hair or wear fake tan. I look different than I used to. I've put on weight and don't wear the same sort of clothes.

I put on make up because it's the only thing I can do, to make myself look more normal. And that way, when I look in the mirror and see someone who looks healthy, it makes me feel less isolated and lonely and I get to pretend for a few hours that I am just a normal girl, not one with a chronic illness.

Putting on make up DOES take an awful lot of energy from me, and makes me feel ill, but then again, what doesn't?

I wear make up, about twice a month? Sometimes more, sometimes less. I always put it on if I am going to a family party or to see friends or something. If I'm going to the doctors, I don't bother but sometimes it's nice to make yourself feel special and concentrate on your appearance.

Inspired by Kelly Fricke
Monday, 11 March 2013


Incase you didn't notice, this place had a bit of a makeover!
The lovely Steph from gave my blog a well needed jazz up and I really really love it! Thank you so much Steph and I hope you all like it too! Let me know what you think!

Thursday, 7 March 2013

Worthlessness - Emotions we experience when chronically ill

Hey guys,

It's me again! Okay, let's be honest, who else would it be?! Oops, the posts are becoming further and further apart!

WORTHLESSNESS - (I hope that is a word!)
We live in a society where the first thing people ask you (when you first meet them) is "what do you do?", meaning 'for a living' its quite easy to feel like you do nothing when you're ill. (If you are a teen like me, you get asked what school you go to, and I have no idea what to answer when they ask that!) Awkward!!

Many spoonies with these illnesses don't have the strength or energy to even do ordinary household chores let alone hold a 9-5, Mon-Fri job outside the home too.

Even those who don't have the fatigue problem still are very limited because of having to avoid chemicals and dust and mold, bright lights (sitting in front of a computer or in a shop), loud noises and other things.

So the 'what do you do' question is quite tricky! Others seem to judge us by that standard too. So what is our worth? If you are a doctor or a teacher, you are 'worth' more than someone who is a cleaner or works in a shop.

All of us who are ill go through this questioning at least periodically, and especially during long periods of 'crashes'. We don't even know who we are anymore! :(

We're sure not like we were pre-illness! Some can't play with their kids like they used to, do the hobbies or sports that they once loved. And we feel like we're always needing something, some help. We feel very dependent on others and sometimes we feel that others resent that.

We don't want to ask for too much because after all what do we have to offer in return?

What have we done to deserve gifts and treats?

The frustrating thing is, us who are ill, are often very bright, clever people. Our dreams were to become vets, or firemen!

We had/have potential and it's really hard to explain that to someone.

How do you feel about this? Whether you experience any of these emotions or symptoms regularly, I just wanna say that you are not alone. Sometimes it's hard to tell how you feel, especially if you are feeling more than one emotion at a time.

I hope this series is helping some of you

Chloe xo
Sunday, 3 March 2013

Picture Update: Xmas 2012-Feb 2013

Snow piggie (about 1 month old!)

My little Teddy bear :)

Too cute, i couldnt chose just one picture!

All three together: Snow, Frost and Teddy

The christmas tree!

Me, opening presents on christmas morning. Looking very attractive ;) hehe

More present opening! Can you spy my Olly Murs book?!

Later in the day. Family have arrived, Granny and father in the background!

Me and nan
My baby, rather pleased with her christmas present...

Someone left some paw prints in snow..

Me in the snow

Snowy garden

Daddy pig (Clover) and Teddy in the garden for the first time!

Daisy (mummy pig) and Snow and Frost in the garden for the first time!