There's nothing beautiful about being sick

There's nothing beautiful about being ill.

About pills. Doctors. Hospitals. Scans. Test. Constant pain and feeling ill.

So, why, when people think of a teenager or child being seriously ill, do they imagine bald heads, brave smiles, swimming with dolphins and trips to Disneyland.

Not wanting to sound bitter or selfish but an image has been built up, so that everyone thinks that it's like that. When in fact it's not. I'm not. And I feel like a failure for not living up to the expectations of the sick teen.

In magazines, you read about these kids who are brave, inspirational and who stay positive and smiling through out everything but I'm just not that. I cry. I moan that it's not fair. I'm not brave. I hate hospitals. I get really scared. I'm not strong. I haven't met any celebs. I get grumpy. I don't have cancer. I haven't done anything amazing or spectacular. I haven't been on a holiday around the world, I'm not dying. I'm not positive. I give up, all the time. I don't look ill. I'm not skinny. I haven't been inspiring to anyone.

There is nothing beautiful about me, or this illness(es) that I have.

I will never be a poster girl for young people with illnesses.

I need a day off. Please?

I got a diagnosed about a year ago. It was the last week of October 2011. (I cant remember the exact date!) I cannot believe it has been a year and that I have been ill even longer.

Feeling this ill for a whole year. Every single minute of every single day.

I can tell you, that right now, I just want a day off. I am feeling extremely annoyed and restless. Why can't us spoonies have a day off every now and again?

Please.

Pretty please.

I need a day off.

I just want one day where I don't feel like I have the flu. I just want one pain-free day.

Please.

I hate feeling dizzy, I hate the nausea. I hate the headaches, the pain, the weakness, the tiredness, the exhaustion, the tachycardia, the sensitivity to light, sounds and smells.

I hate that it just won't stop or go away.

Okay, even just having exhaustion and pain. That would be like a day off. I'd be okay with that. But, please. I just need a holiday. I want to feel well for Christmas.

I NEED to be well for Christmas.

I cant cope with feeling this ill. I cannot even describe to you how rubbish i feel.

School children have days off. The have weekends and holidays. People get time off from work so why cant someone make us better just for one day?

Why won't it stop?

Why won't it go away?

I want to be a normal teenager and I want to feel well, just for one day.