Saturday 15 December 2012

There's nothing beautiful about being sick

There's nothing beautiful about being ill.

About pills. Doctors. Hospitals. Scans. Test. Constant pain and feeling ill.

So, why, when people think of a teenager or child being seriously ill, do they imagine bald heads, brave smiles, swimming with dolphins and trips to Disneyland.

Not wanting to sound bitter or selfish but an image has been built up, so that everyone thinks that it's like that. When in fact it's not. I'm not. And I feel like a failure for not living up to the expectations of the sick teen.

In magazines, you read about these kids who are brave, inspirational and who stay positive and smiling through out everything but I'm just not that. I cry. I moan that it's not fair. I'm not brave. I hate hospitals. I get really scared. I'm not strong. I haven't met any celebs. I get grumpy. I don't have cancer. I haven't done anything amazing or spectacular. I haven't been on a holiday around the world, I'm not dying. I'm not positive. I give up, all the time. I don't look ill. I'm not skinny. I haven't been inspiring to anyone.

There is nothing beautiful about me, or this illness(es) that I have.

I will never be a poster girl for young people with illnesses.


  1. Oh Chloe, those teens are just covering up what they feel.  They feel just as you do but are perhaps ONLY better at hiding those feelings. Besides, you're all teenagers and doubt is part of the package deal. So see, you fit right in!  If you didn't have these feelings of angst, you wouldn't be human, sweet, sweet Chloe.  You're lucky to have so many supportive friends. They like and love you for who YOU are. Hugs and xx's!

  2. Oh Irene, I wish I could be braver and most positive. Thank you anyway, I hope you are right! Thinking of you. Sending love xxxxxxx