Emotions we experience when chronically ill - ENVY

Next up in this 'Emotions we experience when chronically ill series' is....

ENVY - being envious every so often is normal too. Its not that you want to see family and friends do without too, its more than you wish so badly you could do something and join in with them too. Missing out is really hard and reminds me of what I have lost, I find that sometimes I want to hear all about what my family has been up to, but sometimes I don't, I simply get too jealous or upset.

One other thing I find annoying is when people (I have had a couple of friends and family members say this to me) say that they WISH they could stay in bed all day. They wish they didn't have to go to work or school. I find this really frustrating as I feel that they should be grateful that they are healthy, they should be grateful that they are well enough to do those things. They claim to be envious of me but I think that, after a week or so, they would get bored and change their minds!
Don't know about you all but I want to be healthy! Typically being chronically ill means being chronically poorer than others. (i am lucky that i am young and dont have to pay for food, somewhere to live, bills etc just yet). Sometimes looking around at all the things that would make life a lot easier but we can't afford to buy then seeing it makes us envy the owners and wish that we could afford those things too.

Often people who are ill, have to spend their money on things such as medications, hospital bills and things to help them in their everyday life, whereas healthy people who don't need that stuff, can spend money on clothes, cars and holidays.

Talking of holidays. That is another thing we can become envious of. Often spoonies, aren't well enough to go on holiday or to travel abroad so we do get envious of those who are able to, and who bring back photos to show us, and come back tanned, glowing and full of fab stories.

I could go on and on all day about the stuff we get envious of, when chronically ill, but I think I'll leave it there for now.

Thanks for reading, I'll see you next time! *waves goodbye!*

Emotions we experience when Chronically ill - ANGER

Hey guys, so following on from my last post, I'm going to talk about another emotion that people experience when they are chronically ill.

ANGRY - Ok so I don't feel this one too much myself. I usually feel annoyed and frustrated but its not very often i am properly angry.

They say this is a stage of grief and yes, we have suffered great losses. Usually I don't feel angry unless I've seen others who've been treated unfairly, or neglected by doctors or their families and who have so many special needs and need to be looked after but receive no advice, love, care or help. Typically it doesn't take long after becoming ill where you're unable to work and function normally before you find that there are other repercussions you hadn't even THOUGHT about like money and friendships, having basic everyday needs taken care of.

This is especially true for young people who never got a start in the work place and have never been paid, lived on their own or done anything like go to uni, on holiday on their own etc. Its also true for women who made their life's work their home and family. No one likes being dependent on others and now you've found there is nothing you can depend on.

We all feel angry sometimes. Anger itself is not a bad thing but acting violently or badly out of anger is. I think usually when we feel angry it is towards all the injustices we and feel so helpless to do anything about. We feel abandon and forgotten, neglected and sometimes even abused.

It also helps to know that we are not in this alone defenceless, because there is a whole other community of people just like you, out there. It is difficult not to lash out sometimes when others mistreat us especially when we feel so ill we have little emotional self protection left and have to depend on others so so much. Lack of sleep doesn't help, it certainly makes me more grumpy and more prone to being angry.

I think the 'thing' I feel angry about or towards the most, is probably the illness itself or my body. I am angry that MY body wasn't strong or healthy enough to not get this illness. I am annoyed with my body for putting me through such horrible stuff and I am annoyed with the illness because it wrecks lives. This illness has hurt so many of my friends (people I met through twitter because of ME) and I feel so angry that they have to go through this because it's not their fault!!

Do you get angry? What do you get angry about? Leave me a comment and let me know. Part #3 coming soon.

Chronically ill emotions - FEAR

Today I'm going to talk about emotions that you get if you are chronically ill. Now, i have spoken a bit about this before, one of my first posts was about Guilt and that was written nearly a year ago so i figured it was time to cover some others.

If there is one thing I do not want to hear from you, it is that this illness only exists in my head!

Some seem to think that if only I would do this or that, think this way or not that way I wouldn't be sick.

It would be nice if it was as simple as that but its not. These illnesses are very real and very physical.

Unfortunately there is not enough research and probably not of the right type going on yet. Everyone is looking for a magic cure, typically a pill. With these illnesses it is most likely a combination of things that causes them and a combination of things needed to get better but first we really need a diagnostic test to test for ME, etc.

Most researchers are looking at environment toxins and viruses as being the causes of our symptoms. These illness do affect the brain. Studies have shown abnormality in such things as blood flow, inflammation and biochemical balances and glands (wow i sounded grown up then!)

But, anyway, onto the emotional aspects of dealing with chronic illness, particular chronic illnesses that the general public and the media has not accepted as real or physical yet. Some of these emotional reactions are directly caused by chemical and other exposures and some are from living day to day with the illnesses.

First let's start with FEAR [Sorry, this could be a long post, or maybe I'll do it in a few parts?] While not a lot of people want to talk about it this is something that a lot of people experience. And I feel like a lot of people feel that they have to be brave or strong, that they are not allowed to be scared or frightened. A lot of these illnesses are often slow in being diagnosed and symptoms are so varied, so weird and often mimic other serious illnesses. Its hard to imagine you can be this sick and not die, especially if you have been very healthy and active before or if the illness has come on suddenly.

There is fear of always being in pain and that you won't be able to handle it or cope. There is also fears of rejection and loneliness; Fear is not fun to deal with!

Its easy to be afraid of so many things when you're ill (I'm afraid all the time). Sometimes it feels like the world itself is attacking you. In some ways becoming ill is like having entered a new land, full of enemies and things that are evil and against you! (Symptoms and even doctors! etc.)

It's scary to have to go through different things. Staying in hospitals and having tests etc. I guess it depends on the person but some people have to face their biggest fears, being ill. A girl I know, I absolutely terrified of needles and since getting sick, she has to have blood tests etc a LOT more which is very scary for her because thst is HER fear. It's different for everybody but being ill is definitely scary.

Part #2 coming soon! Hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to subscribe and leave me a comment!

NOTD - Essie - Bikini so teeny

NOTD - Essie - Bikini so teeny.

This purpley-cornflower blue colour is just amazing. It's bright and pretty and I just know that I am going to be wearing it A LOT this Spring/Summer!!

 

Sorry for rubbish pics.

 

 

The polish has a very very slight shimmer in it and doesnt really show up at all. Its really gorgeous though!

 

 

 

 

I wish i could be Part of that world...

I am a huge Disney fan. I love the way the films make you feel all nice and fuzzy inside. I like watching the characters fall in love. Soooo romantic *swoons* So when I listened to Part of Your World which was sung by Ariel from The Little Mermaid, I noticed that the lyrics also had another, deeper and more personal meaning to me.

Here is the song, maybe you can work out the more personal meaning that I got from this song? I guess i feel like the song sums up how I feel about being a teenager with an illness/illnesses. My world is different to a lot of people my age.

ARIEL: (Maybe he's right. Maybe there is something the matter with me.
I just don't see how a world that makes such wonderful things could be bad.)

Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, she's got everything
I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more

I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see, wanna see them dancin'
Walking around on those - what do you call 'em?
Oh - feet!

Flippin' your fins, you don't get too far
Legs are required for jumping, dancing
Strolling along down a - what's that word again?
Street

Up where they walk, up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free - wish I could be
Part of that world

What would I give if I could live out of these waters?
What would I pay to spend a day warm on the sand?
Bet'cha on land they understand
That they don't reprimand their daughters
Proper women sick of swimmin'
Ready to stand

And ready to know what the people know
Ask 'em my questions and get some answers
What's a fire and why does it - what's the word?
Burn?

When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love, love to explore that world up above?
Out of the sea
Wish I could be
Part of that world

Ring any bells? What do you think?