Maybe, just maybe, this time, things will be okay. How long does it take for a spoonie to realise they are chronically ill??

How long exactly, does it take to recognize and realise that you are sick? And I mean truly, life-altering sick, not just getting a cold every now and again?

To be honest with you, I'm not sure a lot of people EVER realise. I know some ladies who have been sick for 30-40 years and they still struggle to understand the consequences of being a spoonie.

Somehow I keep thinking that tomorrow I will wake up and be well again.

Sometimes I think, my brain tricks itself into convincing me that I will be fine after a big event or outing. For instance, I blogged back in August (post titled 'Christmas in August') about last Christmas, when I convinced myself that because it was Christmas, I'd be fine. I'm trying not to do the same this year but I do find it hard to strike the right balance between thinking positive and being completely unrealistic and having that head of mine, stuck in the clouds!

I know that I am going to get payback after Christmas. I know I am going to feel ill. But a lot of people I know, think that I am being negative by saying that, even though it is the truth!

Sometimes, I know I am going to get sick after an event but its all so vague and abstract until the time comes when I am stuck in bed. Somehow, I keep convincing myself and thinking, in the dark recesses of my mind, that surely I exaggerate my illness (I have been told by people that I do and part of me wonders if they are right) and that this time, maybe, just maybe things will be okay.

They never are, but a girl can dream, right?

Note: sorry for such a rambly post. I just wrote what was in my head!