Thursday 2 February 2012

The sick girl

I don’t want to be the 'sick girl'. Just because I’ve been diagnosed with something, it doesn’t mean that I am defined by it. I am my own person, and yes, I have ME but I am my own person, I have a personality and likes and dislikes.
I was me, before ME came along. It is simply, something that i have, not something that i am.
ME is sometimes known as the 'invisable illness'.
I know that I sometimes don’t look ill but believe, me, I feel it! ME is an invisible illness and not everyone understands that. Sometimes I wish that I had a broken leg or something more visible so that others would understand a bit better. I know that I look completely normal but I do have ME. It is surprising how many people give you strange looks when you tell them, they look at you, as if to say, “You don’t look ill”, no, maybe I don’t, but I am and looks aren’t everything.
As a girl, i think its probably easier for us females to hide how we feel. We can slap on a bit of make-up on, and get help with doing our hair. We look completey normal, and most of all, healthy. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Even if you see me out, at the shops, or in a cafe, it doesn't mean that i am back to normal. This is probably the first time i have been out the house in weeks, or maybe months. I will probably spend the next week bed-bound, and in servere pain and discomfort. Please remember that.

This disease is limiting. And it's a disadvantage I might have for the rest of my life. (Hopefully not!! Fingers crossed) But I know that I can get through this. I am trying to smile through this. I'm getting through this. I really do believe that staying positive is an important part of getting better and recovering from my illness.
It upsets me, and weighs me down to think about the things I once was capable of, and all the things that my friends are able to do on a daily basis that i cant.  The things that i used to do everyday, without even thinking about. I feel like i have taken advantage of my body and underestimated how much energy it takes to get up in the morning, make and eat breakfast, get dressed, clean my teeth, climb the stairs. I think about how much I've missed out on... How much has been stolen, and taken away from me...  This past year was one I never would have expected. I never imagined that i would get ill. I think, its one of those things that you are aware of. You know that things like this happen in the world but you never imagine them happening to you. This year has been the most scary, painful, exhausting, upsetting, and trying times for me. Times of unending struggle, pain, and fatigue. And i know, at the moment, that its not going to end. No matter how much i hope, and pray that it does.

Chloe xx
Please comment, what can i improve on?
Sorry if ive made any spelinglol


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