Saturday 16 February 2013

Chronically ill - the emotions we experience - DISCOURAGEMENT

DISCOURAGEMENT - I'm a nosey person [i take after my parents, hehe!] and whenever something impacts my life, or even if i just come across it, i usually research it. I love learning and finding out about new things so one of the first things i did, when i was diagnosed was look up ME online and in books at my local library. I read and read and found out a lot of stuff, often getting sidetracked along the way by reading about Fibro and the NHS and a number of different things.

I've read all the research, the books, the blogs, the websites, tried all the suggestions, pushed myself, let myself rest and NOTHING seems to make much difference.

I like to think that I'm pretty clued up about ME, I don't know everything by any means but I know a LOT. And I've tried a fair few things to help make me feel better. These include: CBT, GET, magnesium oil, physio, different vitamins, cutting out dairy from my diet, Epsom salts... Lots of things. Nothing has cured me but some of the above have helped.

Anyway, I'm going off track.
Friends don't understand why I won't come to their house, some of my family thinks I'm faking it. (Maybe I'm just being paranoid?) If I do more to take care of myself someone thinks I'm selfish (typical teen!) or neglecting my family and others.

If I take care of everyone else first I get sicker. Discouragement is something we face every day.

I feel discouraged when I try a vitamin or a treatment to try and make me feel a bit better and it doesn't work. I feel discouraged by 'doctors' sometimes and sometimes by family and friends even though I'm sure my friends and family don't mean it.

It occurred to me one day that when I've gotten most discouraged it was because I had been putting my hope in things or people who had let me down.

I get my hoped up waaayy too easily. I have one good day, and get excited that I am getting better and if I can't do something that I have been planning, it really gets me down and I DO feel discouraged. And I often feel like giving up. Nothing seems to work.

Everything I tried to do had been like smacking my head against the brick wall. I try so hard it seemed like there was no direction left to go and no resolutions in sight anywhere. Within myself, through my eyes there is no hope left sometimes.

Do YOU feel discouraged by this illness? Let me know your thoughts. Another post on Emotions we experience when chronically ill, coming soon!


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